so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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