Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
