Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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