Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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