what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
