youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
