i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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