there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
