His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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