I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
