oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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