The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
