I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
