Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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