Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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