Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
