I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He better not be in your backpack
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
