strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
