I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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