it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize
