he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
