life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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