Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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