about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
