I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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