I feel like abortions should bother me more
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
