I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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