I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
