it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
