I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
