I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He shit in the fireplace
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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