oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
