I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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