This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
