i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
