naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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