Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
