how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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