i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
