So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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