Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
