Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
