never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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