____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
