So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
that is very illegal...i love you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
