forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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