FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
