My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
