D3 body, D1 cock
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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