I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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