Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
