Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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